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The passing of a muse
Apr. 21st, 2003 11:04 amI lost my muse last night, holding her too close to the light. My angel, oh my angel, I scorched your wings! You, you are mortal! Flawed!
Last night I went out to 100% Babe. I really liked the night - the music was good, the crowd friendly. It's definately somewhere I will want to go again.
However, at the end of the evening, I lost my muse. The one for whom I have held a candle for several months now, well, sometimes too hot the eye of heaven shines. I found her to be inhospitable, dismissive, and untimely cruel. Perhaps my presence was not welcome, perhaps it was because she had been drinking. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.
I like to dance. I have beeb in a down loop, so I took the chance to dance. Really dance. I used to dance in a club. Clothed obviously. Now when I dance, I have no inhibitions, I dance for me. I like the freedom, and most people see that it is fun, and join in. I have found that people around me losen up when I dance (which was basically the point of club dancing, to make people feel at ease). I felt last night that my as was muse critical of this. I do not like people being critical of me dancing. I have no qualms about them thinking I look silly, or worry about me being laughed at - these are things I am happy with, I am not neive. But I dislike people criticising the fact that I do dance, that I enjoy it, that I find the freedom liberating. It hurts.
I do not like being spoken down to. And my muse as was I have found to be patronising. There is no need for a superiority complex. It takes away any claims one may have to superiority.
Disapointment is a harsh medicine, but it has cured me of a hopeless pursuit of love. A love that did not exist. I have opened Pandora's box, and now I am free of the speculation, I am free to muse on the whole world. My poetry, my writing, my heart is free.
"Freedoms' just another word for nothing left to lose, nothing ain't worth nothing but its free"
And today is a beautiful day.
Love
Kim XxX
Last night I went out to 100% Babe. I really liked the night - the music was good, the crowd friendly. It's definately somewhere I will want to go again.
However, at the end of the evening, I lost my muse. The one for whom I have held a candle for several months now, well, sometimes too hot the eye of heaven shines. I found her to be inhospitable, dismissive, and untimely cruel. Perhaps my presence was not welcome, perhaps it was because she had been drinking. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.
I like to dance. I have beeb in a down loop, so I took the chance to dance. Really dance. I used to dance in a club. Clothed obviously. Now when I dance, I have no inhibitions, I dance for me. I like the freedom, and most people see that it is fun, and join in. I have found that people around me losen up when I dance (which was basically the point of club dancing, to make people feel at ease). I felt last night that my as was muse critical of this. I do not like people being critical of me dancing. I have no qualms about them thinking I look silly, or worry about me being laughed at - these are things I am happy with, I am not neive. But I dislike people criticising the fact that I do dance, that I enjoy it, that I find the freedom liberating. It hurts.
I do not like being spoken down to. And my muse as was I have found to be patronising. There is no need for a superiority complex. It takes away any claims one may have to superiority.
Disapointment is a harsh medicine, but it has cured me of a hopeless pursuit of love. A love that did not exist. I have opened Pandora's box, and now I am free of the speculation, I am free to muse on the whole world. My poetry, my writing, my heart is free.
"Freedoms' just another word for nothing left to lose, nothing ain't worth nothing but its free"
And today is a beautiful day.
Love
Kim XxX
