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Saturday night
Jun. 8th, 2003 11:03 amSaturday evening... THere was a bottle of vodka. Sunday morning there are only dregs. I have ben up since 7.30 and feel fine if not a little tired, and Lisa, my partner in liver-persecution, doesn't feel quite herself just yet. I intend to ply here with copious amounts of water and feed her nourishing and fatty foods. There may be cookies.
Despite all the fun and frolics of last night, and the fun things that went on yesterday, being me I don't feel the need to relate them here. I am sure Lisa will be able to tell the funnies better than I, especially since my humour has been likened to that of a math teacher. Wo is me.
Okay, so what is actually on my mind is more serious. For me anyway. It is not the thoughts themselves, but what they represent [ I use the term *they* a great deal. I must be more specific ]. I do not want to have to explain myself, but I know that I forever will have to. That is, in my current rather *down* state of mind, I foresee myself ever having to excuse my actions which inturn infers [sic?] I will ever be failing. This is not so. Things in my life (love, home, career) are beginning to become positive rather than dreaded. But how can I explain my lost years to someone who has ever made the best of every situation, someone who is so capable? Now, this is self indulgent bollox. This is pig-depression (as in I am wallowing in my own shit). On a brighter note, it is only a month until I go to the The Professional. I am quite ready amd willing to let the doctor tamper with my mind-knots and attempt to unravel them. I think this may actually be a good, if not the best possible metaphor for my mind - my mind broke, the strands of my life were torn, so I tied them together as best I could at the time, except now these knots are a hinderance, but they are old and too tight for me to untie myself, so I need to go to a professional untie-er. Or maybe that is a crappy mataphor, but hey, you get the picture.
I'm sorry, I'm just trying to purge so I can go about a normal proactive day. Dammit. It is the eighth of June. On the eleventh I have my second interview at Ann Summers. This is an excellent thing and I am very excited about it. I really really and I mean REALLY REALLY want this job.
But right now all my thoughts are circling round being able to manage things better, my life. I am just getting to see how life is something that needs management. I know about accountancy, so if I kma having financial troubles I need to out this into practice. I have begun, but I must do more. Credit where credit is due, I have thrown a great deal of junk away and I am no longer keeping pointless things.
Ah good the sun is comming out. If there are swallows on wing singing in the morning, it is going to be a fine day - the swallows would not be around singing if it was going to be a wet and windy day - they would find shelter. Also, there would not be insects around for them to eat.
Is love enough?
It need not be questioned, love is everything.
I don't care if I have to sweat blood and become a billionaire, I will prove that love is everything.
I think it is about time the gloves came off, I stopped being such a whinny little twat and actually got on with being fabulous.
Consider this dribble of an entry a mental slap.
I am going to see if Lisa is off the phone to Kate now (who has very good taste in comedy) and tidy and make Lisa eat and drink things that are Good For Her. I am going to make lists of Things to do, and a timescale thingy to follow, with a cash-flow-forecast thing.
It will be okay, life never throws anything at you that cannot be dealt with.
I'm going before this break into a song.
OOOOO which reminds me - tATu! OH MY GODDESS!!!!!! Did anyone else see the MTV awards last night? THe tATu performance with about two hundred stripping-snogging-lesbian-schoolgirls? It was possibly the single best five minutes of televised pron ever.
I have decided I want a slogan shirt which reads:
I am not a lesbian
I am THE lesbian
Aiiiight!
Big up with love to my girls yo!
Mwah XxX Kim XxX
Despite all the fun and frolics of last night, and the fun things that went on yesterday, being me I don't feel the need to relate them here. I am sure Lisa will be able to tell the funnies better than I, especially since my humour has been likened to that of a math teacher. Wo is me.
Okay, so what is actually on my mind is more serious. For me anyway. It is not the thoughts themselves, but what they represent [ I use the term *they* a great deal. I must be more specific ]. I do not want to have to explain myself, but I know that I forever will have to. That is, in my current rather *down* state of mind, I foresee myself ever having to excuse my actions which inturn infers [sic?] I will ever be failing. This is not so. Things in my life (love, home, career) are beginning to become positive rather than dreaded. But how can I explain my lost years to someone who has ever made the best of every situation, someone who is so capable? Now, this is self indulgent bollox. This is pig-depression (as in I am wallowing in my own shit). On a brighter note, it is only a month until I go to the The Professional. I am quite ready amd willing to let the doctor tamper with my mind-knots and attempt to unravel them. I think this may actually be a good, if not the best possible metaphor for my mind - my mind broke, the strands of my life were torn, so I tied them together as best I could at the time, except now these knots are a hinderance, but they are old and too tight for me to untie myself, so I need to go to a professional untie-er. Or maybe that is a crappy mataphor, but hey, you get the picture.
I'm sorry, I'm just trying to purge so I can go about a normal proactive day. Dammit. It is the eighth of June. On the eleventh I have my second interview at Ann Summers. This is an excellent thing and I am very excited about it. I really really and I mean REALLY REALLY want this job.
But right now all my thoughts are circling round being able to manage things better, my life. I am just getting to see how life is something that needs management. I know about accountancy, so if I kma having financial troubles I need to out this into practice. I have begun, but I must do more. Credit where credit is due, I have thrown a great deal of junk away and I am no longer keeping pointless things.
Ah good the sun is comming out. If there are swallows on wing singing in the morning, it is going to be a fine day - the swallows would not be around singing if it was going to be a wet and windy day - they would find shelter. Also, there would not be insects around for them to eat.
Is love enough?
It need not be questioned, love is everything.
I don't care if I have to sweat blood and become a billionaire, I will prove that love is everything.
I think it is about time the gloves came off, I stopped being such a whinny little twat and actually got on with being fabulous.
Consider this dribble of an entry a mental slap.
I am going to see if Lisa is off the phone to Kate now (who has very good taste in comedy) and tidy and make Lisa eat and drink things that are Good For Her. I am going to make lists of Things to do, and a timescale thingy to follow, with a cash-flow-forecast thing.
It will be okay, life never throws anything at you that cannot be dealt with.
I'm going before this break into a song.
OOOOO which reminds me - tATu! OH MY GODDESS!!!!!! Did anyone else see the MTV awards last night? THe tATu performance with about two hundred stripping-snogging-lesbian-schoolgirls? It was possibly the single best five minutes of televised pron ever.
I have decided I want a slogan shirt which reads:
I am not a lesbian
I am THE lesbian
Aiiiight!
Big up with love to my girls yo!
Mwah XxX Kim XxX