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And then there was shaking....
Jun. 17th, 2003 02:54 pmPLease bare with me a little...it is hot and i have been moving heavy things up big stairs and I seem to have a little bit of a wobble because of the heat. Spelling will be worse than usual, and do not expect anything resembling proper english to be used.
I am drained. But I am not finished. It takes mroe than emotional and physical upheaval to do me in.
Having had time to think about the conversation I know that I said the worng things. Imagine that, from me!
I still havn't heard from Ann Summers. Ho hum. Will call them if i dont hear by four. Have resigned to the fact that I havnt got it, so if i do it will be woopie, and if not then well, I have planned to go back to lat which is no hardship. Learning to swallow my pride without chocking.
I am falable, and i make mistakes. I have forgotten that people, (i.e. me) say things without really understanding what the concsequences will be. I have also taken too much to heart what others have said. I should know by no wthat whenever people say that my history does not matter, it is because they do not know it, nor do they know why i am as i am - why i hide behind poor humour. The term survival by death is a matter of existence to me, but for anyone who has not killed themselves figuritively, it is beyond comprehension, and takes a huge leap of faith. Iam beginning to understand just how much i ask of people whi want to or otherwise are close to me. I am sorry, my mistake, I should not use myself as a lever, demanding another to balance me. I have two feet, even if theyare both left ones.
See, again with poor humour.
I used to blame "the world" for not being ready for me. In truth, it is me. It is draining being intense all the time. But I owe it to myself and those I love (for I do) to respect them enough to be myself.
So, I hereby give an appology to all those who I have disrespected and mistreated with my fasade.
I am taking it down, but slowly.
Thank you.
This is not the place to analyse the whats and whys of yesterday. It is not for me to write that in public. I trust in communication. I just need to use it better.
And as of tomorrow I will officially be living above a gaybargaybargaybar. Change can be a good thing. As is honesty.
And i feel perhaps a really good dictionary.
Love to all and Sundry (whoever Sundry is, is it even Sundry, or is that a type of tomato?)
Kim XxX
I am drained. But I am not finished. It takes mroe than emotional and physical upheaval to do me in.
Having had time to think about the conversation I know that I said the worng things. Imagine that, from me!
I still havn't heard from Ann Summers. Ho hum. Will call them if i dont hear by four. Have resigned to the fact that I havnt got it, so if i do it will be woopie, and if not then well, I have planned to go back to lat which is no hardship. Learning to swallow my pride without chocking.
I am falable, and i make mistakes. I have forgotten that people, (i.e. me) say things without really understanding what the concsequences will be. I have also taken too much to heart what others have said. I should know by no wthat whenever people say that my history does not matter, it is because they do not know it, nor do they know why i am as i am - why i hide behind poor humour. The term survival by death is a matter of existence to me, but for anyone who has not killed themselves figuritively, it is beyond comprehension, and takes a huge leap of faith. Iam beginning to understand just how much i ask of people whi want to or otherwise are close to me. I am sorry, my mistake, I should not use myself as a lever, demanding another to balance me. I have two feet, even if theyare both left ones.
See, again with poor humour.
I used to blame "the world" for not being ready for me. In truth, it is me. It is draining being intense all the time. But I owe it to myself and those I love (for I do) to respect them enough to be myself.
So, I hereby give an appology to all those who I have disrespected and mistreated with my fasade.
I am taking it down, but slowly.
Thank you.
This is not the place to analyse the whats and whys of yesterday. It is not for me to write that in public. I trust in communication. I just need to use it better.
And as of tomorrow I will officially be living above a gaybargaybargaybar. Change can be a good thing. As is honesty.
And i feel perhaps a really good dictionary.
Love to all and Sundry (whoever Sundry is, is it even Sundry, or is that a type of tomato?)
Kim XxX