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The word of the days is legs...
Jun. 21st, 2003 12:30 pmSo lets go home and be nice to them because they are still very cross at having to go up and down so many stairs to move all your stuff into your bedroom.
Yes, I have moved into my new gaybar-flatshare.
But no, still no word from Ann Summers. Cruel!
I can accept that I am a mystery, an eccentric contradictory soul. Love makes us do funny things. I want to know and be known, but for someone to truely know me, how can I avoid relating some of the darker aspects of why I am who I am? Maybe I should try to get a copy of my statements from the police, and my case file, so people can just read that and decide if I'm worth their bother. That would be cruel though. How can one balance this?- Wanting to share myself with someone, but not wanting to hurt them? Drat and double drat.
I am in a good mood today. The good thing about manic depression is that you can think of these things and be *up*, the same as you can think of easy happy things and be *down*. I should get a sign to wear around my neck that reads *Enter at your own risk*.
Chloe and I are talking and progressing. I like communication. These things are not always easy, if ever, but ultimately what can be more worth while than developing a better, deeper understanding of someone else?
My heart hurts, physically, when I think of hurting those I love. It seems unavoidable though, which is worse. I cannot hide who I am nor why I am, I cannot lie like that, not any more. Besides, those who get close enough to care I know I can trust, otherwise they would have left sooner. Did that make any sense? I doubt it, but at the same time I think it can be understood. That really is the essence of me. So much of me does not make actual sense, but it is understandable. Or perhaps the other way around. This is a work in progress :)
So, I'm eating okay. Okay for me. This is all relative. I have already met some interesting people at my gaybar, and I anticipate being happy there. It is a very positive environment for me. PLus, the room is yellow, which is a nice happy colour. If your gonna be manic, may as well be woohoo rather than boohoo.
That I htink may be the crassest ever description of manic depression, and also the most accurate! Who needs the rainforest of literature. Manic depression is when one is either woo or boo. Right, I think I am reday for my doctorate now thank you very much.
I have been thinking a lot about sense and reason. Is it better to act immediately, or should one think before acting? Acting immediately gets the action undertaken, and shows a willingness to be active. Thinking develops a better understanding of WHY the action is to be undertaken. So, really, my main thoughts have been revolving around the importance of *Why*. To me, *why* has always been hugely vastly important. Although this enchantment with understanding has often delayed my actually doing things, sometimes very important things (for instance getting on with life). I belive trying to understand the *why* enables us to go beyond the surface prejudices that are intrinsict to human nature; those rash judgements we make based on our prehistoric desire to survive. I alos belive that knowing *why* enables us to avoid such irrational and detrimental emotions such as hatred and fear. The deeper we go with such *why* philosphy, the closer we get to the simple truths of life, and the easier it can become to make good well-rounded decisions.
However, pondering on *why* does not imrpove ones spelling.
So, this is the nature of my current writing project. Rather, latest, as I mave several *works in the pipeline*. However, I think the pipeline has been blocked off by Greenpeace protestors, so I wouldn't anticipate a great rush of completed works any time soon. This is the price of cancelling your Greenpeace subscription. You have been warned.
I do not like using this space to talk about my friends and loved ones. I do not think it is fair to record my own perceptions of what is happening in their lives. I have always regarded a journal as a place for me to record me, not to pass judgements on others. But I do think about you guys a lot, and I care and I worry. I am just not willing to share those feelings with anyone other than you, that is the person they are concerning. I will tell the world I love my friends and I love my Chloe, but other than that, well, its private. I find it hard enough realting how I feel to those concerned, let alone translating those emotions into something suitable for general consumption.
So, there. Thats why this is so memememememe.
Right, I have 24 minutes left to surf.
Ah, and before I forget: [my comments inthese square brackets]
kimkali
Magic Number: 18 [magic numbers go from 1 to 8, or 1 to 9 if you feel comfortable including the God number, so by numerology, 18 = 1+8=9, which means I am God. I thought so.]
Job: Sporting Great [I have mentioned my legs and the stairs and my miserable attemp at being butch, right?]
Personality: Focussed And Driven [FAD more like]
Temperament: If I Lose It - Run [Well, yes. But I have only lost it a couple of times in my life]
Sexual: Straight [Yes, I am a straight lesbian. Or a fagabee trapped in a dykes body.]
Likely To Win: Some Lubricant [Ah, does this mean I am going to get the Ann Summers job?]
Me - In A Word: Whirlwind [Very good, I am an air sign, and I do tend to bring destruction in my wake. Also, Twisters can be "the finger of God" - there is defiantely something in this]
Colour (white) [White? Thats a cop out, white isn't a colour, it's a tone. Pah, silly computer tests]
Brought to you by MemeJack
I have decided that MemeJack is a little craaazzzzeeeeeeee. Except for the thinking I am God part. That part can stay in. ;)
Okay, now I have ooo 17 minutes.
Love to all, All to Chloe X
Love Kim XXXXXX
Yes, I have moved into my new gaybar-flatshare.
But no, still no word from Ann Summers. Cruel!
I can accept that I am a mystery, an eccentric contradictory soul. Love makes us do funny things. I want to know and be known, but for someone to truely know me, how can I avoid relating some of the darker aspects of why I am who I am? Maybe I should try to get a copy of my statements from the police, and my case file, so people can just read that and decide if I'm worth their bother. That would be cruel though. How can one balance this?- Wanting to share myself with someone, but not wanting to hurt them? Drat and double drat.
I am in a good mood today. The good thing about manic depression is that you can think of these things and be *up*, the same as you can think of easy happy things and be *down*. I should get a sign to wear around my neck that reads *Enter at your own risk*.
Chloe and I are talking and progressing. I like communication. These things are not always easy, if ever, but ultimately what can be more worth while than developing a better, deeper understanding of someone else?
My heart hurts, physically, when I think of hurting those I love. It seems unavoidable though, which is worse. I cannot hide who I am nor why I am, I cannot lie like that, not any more. Besides, those who get close enough to care I know I can trust, otherwise they would have left sooner. Did that make any sense? I doubt it, but at the same time I think it can be understood. That really is the essence of me. So much of me does not make actual sense, but it is understandable. Or perhaps the other way around. This is a work in progress :)
So, I'm eating okay. Okay for me. This is all relative. I have already met some interesting people at my gaybar, and I anticipate being happy there. It is a very positive environment for me. PLus, the room is yellow, which is a nice happy colour. If your gonna be manic, may as well be woohoo rather than boohoo.
That I htink may be the crassest ever description of manic depression, and also the most accurate! Who needs the rainforest of literature. Manic depression is when one is either woo or boo. Right, I think I am reday for my doctorate now thank you very much.
I have been thinking a lot about sense and reason. Is it better to act immediately, or should one think before acting? Acting immediately gets the action undertaken, and shows a willingness to be active. Thinking develops a better understanding of WHY the action is to be undertaken. So, really, my main thoughts have been revolving around the importance of *Why*. To me, *why* has always been hugely vastly important. Although this enchantment with understanding has often delayed my actually doing things, sometimes very important things (for instance getting on with life). I belive trying to understand the *why* enables us to go beyond the surface prejudices that are intrinsict to human nature; those rash judgements we make based on our prehistoric desire to survive. I alos belive that knowing *why* enables us to avoid such irrational and detrimental emotions such as hatred and fear. The deeper we go with such *why* philosphy, the closer we get to the simple truths of life, and the easier it can become to make good well-rounded decisions.
However, pondering on *why* does not imrpove ones spelling.
So, this is the nature of my current writing project. Rather, latest, as I mave several *works in the pipeline*. However, I think the pipeline has been blocked off by Greenpeace protestors, so I wouldn't anticipate a great rush of completed works any time soon. This is the price of cancelling your Greenpeace subscription. You have been warned.
I do not like using this space to talk about my friends and loved ones. I do not think it is fair to record my own perceptions of what is happening in their lives. I have always regarded a journal as a place for me to record me, not to pass judgements on others. But I do think about you guys a lot, and I care and I worry. I am just not willing to share those feelings with anyone other than you, that is the person they are concerning. I will tell the world I love my friends and I love my Chloe, but other than that, well, its private. I find it hard enough realting how I feel to those concerned, let alone translating those emotions into something suitable for general consumption.
So, there. Thats why this is so memememememe.
Right, I have 24 minutes left to surf.
Ah, and before I forget: [my comments inthese square brackets]
kimkali
Magic Number: 18 [magic numbers go from 1 to 8, or 1 to 9 if you feel comfortable including the God number, so by numerology, 18 = 1+8=9, which means I am God. I thought so.]
Job: Sporting Great [I have mentioned my legs and the stairs and my miserable attemp at being butch, right?]
Personality: Focussed And Driven [FAD more like]
Temperament: If I Lose It - Run [Well, yes. But I have only lost it a couple of times in my life]
Sexual: Straight [Yes, I am a straight lesbian. Or a fagabee trapped in a dykes body.]
Likely To Win: Some Lubricant [Ah, does this mean I am going to get the Ann Summers job?]
Me - In A Word: Whirlwind [Very good, I am an air sign, and I do tend to bring destruction in my wake. Also, Twisters can be "the finger of God" - there is defiantely something in this]
Colour (white) [White? Thats a cop out, white isn't a colour, it's a tone. Pah, silly computer tests]
Brought to you by MemeJack
I have decided that MemeJack is a little craaazzzzeeeeeeee. Except for the thinking I am God part. That part can stay in. ;)
Okay, now I have ooo 17 minutes.
Love to all, All to Chloe X
Love Kim XXXXXX
