Quiz whore

I actually said “woohoo” out loud when I got this result, I do need help…

Nancy Downs from "The Craft"


Which Fairuza Balk Character Are You?
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Garbage Fan! And, I think a bit same-sex orientated…

gothy/synth-popers:
all that 80's,opps i mean
"electroclash" music is getting to
you. you are generally fun to be aroung except
on "Joy Division" days or when you
have been listening to to much of the Cure!


So, what kind of Underground kid are you?
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Contemplations...

I have been thinking.

I am very much a gemini, and I am glad my tattoo reflects that, as well as my love of thinking / writing / communicating.

I like people.
But how do we tell in what manner we like people? How do we know what a feeling is? I am confussed by this. I feel like Data from startrek, i have no historical basis on which to rest my understanding of human emotions. I am learning from scratch, and the scratches are getting sore...

I keep remembering things... things I felt. I did not understand the feelings at the time, and it made life very confusing.
When ones remit is for honesty, it can be very trying when you do not know what the honesty is.

I think I think too much, but I am still compounded by an incredible weekend. I was in that fucking house! And for the first time I FELT IT. I wish there was someone I could comunicate this too... but I have wished for many things, and I would never, NEVER, wish for anyone to understand what it is. I would sooner die than be understood, have someone else have the experience... But what does that make me? A martyr? Hardly... the only thing I achieved was not dying.

I feel. I like feeling, even when it hurtsm I find it mesmerising.

But what is it I feel?

Why can't I just go through the wonderment of emotions, without having to disect them?
Because, when things die, we cut them up to find out why and how.
But I am not dead.
I was, but I am not anymore. I must break this habbit.
Perhaps that is what I was looking for under my skin... some answer to how I was feeling back then. I felt too much. Now I have a cigarette. My doctors have agreed that smoking is a Good Thing for me. I have been told by medical professionals not to quit smoking.
Not to quit smoking or living.

I am just feeling so much...it hurts. and I need to cry, but am too stubborn, no, to damn proud to.

What a fucking arse I am. I am a twat. An introspective idealist with no concept of actuality or truth, obsessed with reasons, and tied to the past like a witch to the stake (if only I'd confess...but I am innocent...).

Comments, queries, suggestions?



(this is the sort of thing I would usually keep in my private jouranal, but I have nothing to hide, so why hide it?)